Son of a Whore

It’s May…

I know I’ve been gone for a while. It’s been a crazy late winter/spring. I kind of worked through the hot younger guys, or so I thought. One started to gradually ghost me for a few days at a time, and the other had dropped off as the face of the Earth.

But … The first kept springing up again. Apologizing, but explaining that he was going to be moving in a few months and while he really liked me, a lot, he was afraid to get too deeply involved. He simply didn’t want to find himself wishing he, “hadn’t moved” or that he “regretted us getting close”. I found it a silly cop-out and it became a huge bone of contention. I finally decided to just let it go, allow it to be whatever it may be for however long it may last.

It’s still “lasting”.

The other hot, young guy just so happened to “pop up” again out of nowhere two weeks ago. I hadn’t heard from him in months (to be honest, I think he accidentally texted me the last time we spoke) but, that’s the story of my life. He wasn’t the only one that appeared out of the woodwork that week, but by far he’s the most beautiful and interesting. He said that he “sort of ended up back with the ex. He’s not exactly ‘happy’, he wanted to continue seeing me, but …”

But what? I remember being his age and sometimes thinking I had to try salvaging a shitty relationship simply because the guy was attractive or I had already invested time and emotions. Thank fucking GOD I grew out of that. I hope that he has the same come-to-Jesus moment I did, too.

In the meantime, I started talking to a guy my age (the horror…..) one of the very few men my age that has shown any interest in me at all since I started using dating apps again. He was sweet, cute, a little cheeky, a tad bit cynical with a dark, NY style sense of humor. I immediately felt my cold, black little heart grow a size and melt a little at the same time.

We talked, I mean actually talked (a combination of texting and actual phone calls – whah!?!) from early January until the second week of February. We were going to meet the 15th but with the storm that had been announced and not being quite sure of the hours that places were keeping, we decided to “wing it” and he came to my place on Valentine’s Day.

Yeah. The irony was not lost on me.

Fast Forward to now. Due to his work schedule and the fact he’s a good parent; and my recent work schedule, we haven’t seen each other for almost three weeks. It’s been difficult having to go 2-3 weeks at a time without seeing him, but I kind of like it in a way. It reminds me of my 20’s. That point in my life when I was dying to find that “escape time”, just a few moments to be alone with that special someone. Only, back then we were trying to escape from parents and roommates. Now, we are just trying to steal moments away from children and formal obligations.

Adulting is rarely pleasant.

In the meantime, I have GOT to stop putting wine in the freezer.

Can someone please remind me to get a new wine fridge?