Ginger Problems

I grew up in a tiny, rural New England town in close proximity to Canada. So close, in fact, that we often walked across the border as children as though we were crossing the street. The towns on the other side of the border closely resembled their American counterparts save the official language.

It was English v Francais.

The area where I grew up was bordered by a very small French Canadian outpost, one of the only concentrations outside of Quebec. If you traveled 30 minutes in any direction away from the epicenter, you encountered the usual English Canadians that most of the world is familiar with. The “oot” and “a-boot” crowd, that we have all so lovingly made fun of over the years. (Thank you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_City_Television for all the laughs you provided over the years!)

I found myself an English speaking kid growing up in a very French-Canadian, Roman Catholic town; bearing an incredibly Irish last name with Protestant roots. I moved into the Valley from one of the larger satellite towns as a young girl, extremely perplexed by the bizarre religious and familial bonds that all of the kids seemed to share. I was a very intelligent, witty, artistic and talented kid. I could have been the next Oprah, though, and everyone in town would have still looked down upon me because I’d arrived in town as A) A Protestant (Poor girl, she’s misguided, it’s not her fault, but we still have to hold it against her to teach her parents a lesson… shame …) and B) a child descended of anything but a Franco-American heritage that only spoke English. Those were really the only two strikes you could have against you in this area, but if there might possibly be a third that could ensure your condemnation to solitary; it would most certainly be red hair. [See blog title for confirmation that my childhood was one, long, living hell … ]

There were a handful of other redheads in town. This included a few people that had managed to abscond with most of their wits into adulthood, and three other kids aside from me between K-12. I still remember thinking that I [we] were coursed to forever stand-out, and would never be able to just blend in with the crowd. I grew up thinking that I was almost “cute” but that I’d never be pretty or beautiful like other women with “normal” complexions and hair coloring.

I had a couple of crushes in high school but never a real boyfriend. I had no idea that the world viewed redheads as exotic until I was in my mid-twenties, living in the NYC Metro area.

I won’t lie. I felt oddly vindicated.

Also, if I’d known the kind of “power” I held as a “ginger” back in those days, man I would have made the most of it. To this day I still can’t believe that many people out there thing that we’re pure evil. So much for education and freedom of information thanks to the world wide web. Superstition is very much alive and well. even in the Western World. It honestly blows my mind.

Every once in a while I meet someone who things that I can hex or curse people; depending upon the person and how they interact with me, I may or may or may not play along. A redheaded witch you want? A redheaded witch you will have. It’s incredible to see people that are supposed to be Ivy League educated believe that somehow I have effected another’s life for the worse. I know I shouldn’t do it, but it’s so easy that sometimes I just cannot pass up the opportunity for a good laugh.

We are currently living through a unique health crisis. I am a type 1 diabetic, and therefore a part of the “susceptible” group of people with a compromised immune system. I try to use common sense and continue doing what needs to be done – drop off packages at the Post Office, go to the Pharmacy, grab a few necessities here and there; buy I swear that I’m the receiving a lot more “looks” right now than I ever have before.

Man, we really have issues in this country, don’t we?

I’m going back to Binging Netflix and drinking wine. I hope you are all safe, healthy and remaining relatively happy during this time of containment. It’s not much fun, but if it keeps you illness-free, I think it’s worth the effort.

Be vigilant, don’t panic unnecessarily and try not to hold all the things your family is doing right now to you annoy you against them when this is all over.


Surviving the “Chinese Virus”

My Irish is up. Sometime yesterday you may have noticed that our self-proclaimed “War-Time President” renamed COVID-19 the “Chinese Virus”.

Seriously.

As though it wasn’t bad enough to be living through the initial botched response that cost us all precious days in the fight against this monster, we now have to suffer this insult, too. One of my dearest friends happens to be Chinese AND a nurse in NYC. The backlash against the Asian community has been reprehensible. Even City Council members have been recorded spouting racist rants and public transportation riders caught publicly harassing fellow New Yorkers of Asian descent; and this was all WELL-PRIOR TO THE PRESIDENT SETTING A DEPLORABLE EXAMPLE TO CONTINUE THIS RACIST BEHAVIOR.

To those of you that believe he is the light, the way and the future; what in hell are you thinking? Do you honestly feel that it’s okay to spit on your next door neighbor all of a sudden because they are Asian? You DO realize that is what happened in NAZI Germany, right? Hitler gradually took hold of the media, established his policies, and told everyone that Jews were evil. People fell in line and later on, members of the SS, the military, soldiers in the camps; when charged plead innocent because they were “just following orders”. Just keep that in mind the next time you curse this virus and “the Asian backs it rode in on….”

I’m not saying “his Bronzeness” is Hitler, he’s not anywhere near as clever as that piece of Evil shit was; he’s just ignorant enough to have given license to the underground bigots, racists and neo-Nazis that have been biding their time to reappear. Something has to give, someone needs to step up and shut down his rhetoric, and put these assholes back under their rocks where they belong.

Listen, it happens every few years, a virus mutates and spreads. Guess what folks, we’re lazy. We need to be better, more vigilant and definitely more hygienic. Stop shaming and blaming and finger pointing. AND for the LOVE of Oden, don’t allow this guy to feel like it’s okay for him to do any of it.

I don’t often have much to say when it comes to politics, but this is so absurd I can’t shut up. I’m a sarcastic redhead in self-isolation with NO ONE TO FREAKIN’ TALK TO. It was bound to happen.

There, I said it.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled daily crap. Errr, wait, maybe not crap. In light of the toilet paper shortage, that may be perceived as insensitive.

Stuff. Stuff might be the better word here…

Be kind, check on your elderly neighbors and for the love of all that is good, please practice healthy social distancing.

The World: Cancelled & Self-Quarantined

COVID-19 hysteria peaked (let’s hope) this week, and what a week it was.

Every project I was working on from sports, to music to awards show red carpets – all cancelled but one. Coachella was moved to October and so far, SDCC remains in place, thankfully. I’ve joked about it for years, but who knew that people could really be so stupid? If we didn’t believe it before, there’s no reason not to, now.

Forests will suffer for centuries from the baseless TP and paper towel hoarding that took place this week. Fuck, even Amazon ran out of toilet paper. That’s when you know shit’s serious. I understand, people assume they will have to stay in their homes for two weeks and won’t want to go out, so the “smart” thing to do is buy a 10 or 70 week supply of bathroom tissue, all the hand soap they can carry, hole up and practice schadenfreude.

Now, I enjoy the dark gems in life as much as the next guy; hell, I spent most of last year consuming ALL of the foreign language crime/suspense series that Netflix could serve up and still wanted more, but this level of panic rivals that of Orson Welles’ 1938 Radio Broadcast of The War of the Worlds.

The radio play was extremely realistic, with Welles employing sophisticated sound effects and his actors doing an excellent job portraying terrified announcers and other characters. An announcer reported that widespread panic had broken out in the vicinity of the landing sites, with thousands desperately trying to flee.

At least these folks had a somewhat legitimate reason to be spooked, though. There’s no excuse for the way we’re acting right now. We’re supposed to be advanced, intelligent, informed and resourceful; aren’t we? For Christ’s sake, if extraterrestrials came upon us now, they’d think we were morons!

People, we have a very serious issue in this country, we DO NOT LIKE TO WASH OUR HANDS. That alone has probably caused far more illness than we like to admit. Because we have issues with handwashing and subsequently began getting sick so often, our society started to demand “a pill” to treat everything whether it could actually help or not. Our doctors threw antibiotics at us for years to appease our miserable asses. As a result, we have incredibly dangerous antibiotic-resistant bacteria, highly transmissible, lethal viruses which seem to appear every few years and just the latest in pandemics: novel coronavirus COVID-19.

It’s funny, SUDDENLY you close-talkers don’t want to stand too close, don’t want to touch anyone, you can’t bear to think about jamming into clubs elbow to elbow and sweating all over each other, or going into a public restroom, Where you once may have run your hands over every freakin’ surface in which you encountered, you force yourself to keep your hands in pockets.

Oh, so … NOW you want to bump elbows with me to mitigate possible germ transfer?

*Queue maniacal Ginger laughter*

Please. I’d rather just flip you the bird, exchange NO pathogens, release a bit of my pent up aggression in the process and call it a day.

And of course, this furnishes just one more reason for all those women who have absolutely no business hovering over a toilet, (oh, and you know who you are) to justify spraying urine 10 ft. in every direction when using a bathroom outside of their home. (Honestly, some days I’d rather put my ass in a urinal than attempt to find one useable toilet in a woman’s restroom.) You know you don’t have the thigh muscles, so just lay down a few layers of toilet paper, sit and save all of us that must come after you the trouble!

I mean, you just bought 300 cases of toilet paper; if there was ever a time you could afford to carry a roll with you, this would be it.

On Being Funny…

The tiny rural town I grew up in had a grand total of 5, (yes FIVE), redheads while I was in school. I learned from an early age to deflect the kids’ silliness (it wasn’t really cruel, just stupid) and names with humor. Was I the class clown? Sometimes, but unintentionally. I was just quick-witted and well-read. I’m not sure this still applies but back then, a fast comeback could shut someone down more effectively at that age than anything else.

I am a child of the late 70’s that came of age during the 80’s so books, MTV and magazines were the only windows onto the world that lay beyond my little New England town. I was fortunate in that I had the ability to retain an incredible amount of the information I encountered each day; regardless the subject. Little did I know that would be one of the biggest reasons I’d find success later on as an adult. At the time, however, everyone around me just thought I was a freak.

I didn’t mind, though. I liked being a freak.

I could bridge the gap between the metal heads, the academic/smart kids, athletes/jocks, losers and drama geeks and nerds. I had friends that spanned the entire spectrum. To this day, my circle of friends still aren’t sure how I was able to cross so many of those lines; but I did.

My real passion in HS was music and acting. I was thrown into the gifted and talented program for both as a sophomore. I was also gifted with a sense of humor and an impeccable sense of timing. We entered drama contests, many of which I was part of and left with individual awards. I made friends for life being part of those competitions. I think people assumed that when I left to go to college, I was leaving to go to LA and make my attempt at acting. SO much so, that there were crazy rumors flying around for a couple of years. Some said that I had gone to LA and was successful, but not so successful that I’d landed a role that anyone would recognize yet. The rest of the rumors basically had me as a failed actress making porn in the San Fernando Valley. [HA! Honestly, I couldn’t even be upset. I was so impressed that these small town people knew the San Fernando Valley was Porn Central, I couldn’t even frown!]

Neither happened, of course. But looking back, I do wish I had attempted something in entertainment. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained; right?

I’ve met so many people that are amazing stand up comedians, entertainers, vocalists, musicians and actors over the years. Doing what I do can be so much fun. I occasionally get to spend time with very talented people that tell me I have talent, too. I just smile and nod, thank them and continue to listen to what they have to say. I’d rather listen to them than throw up lines and attempt to impress successful people. It’s not my style, nor do I think it’s my place to waste their time with my musings. If I can make someone laugh, smile or forget about the shitty day that they’re having, even for five minutes; that’s good enough for me.