Somehow … as they say … things change but they stay the same.

I can’t say anything has really stayed the same in the months since I’ve moved out of my soon-to-be ex husband’s home. But I’ve been slowly digging myself, the very basis of who I am, out of the hole in which I buried myself over the years I was married. I’ve been going out. I’ve made a very close friend, something that I haven’t had locally in a long time. Most of my close and best friends are dispersed across the country. It’s so wonderful to have a dependable female friend so near. I hadn’t realized how much I missed that until I found it again.

I flirted with dating. That friend I’m so fond of and another acquaintance convinced me to sign up for Tinder back in February. I won’t lie, I was a few drinks in when I decided that was a fantastic idea. I awoke the next morning with over 200 “likes”. I was immediately overwhelmed and had no idea where to start or what to do.

I chatted with a couple of guys, and met a couple within a few weeks. No names shall be used here for the protection of those that both *pleased* and disappointed me.

The first guy I met was an incredibly intelligent, well-established and extremely fucking hot guy in his 40’s. Damn. Divorced for about as long as I had been married, he was a Dad and a commercial pilot. Upbeat, always positive and extremely funny – I was so happy that we connected.

The problem with seeing someone like that, of course, is the fact he’s busy. And, doing what I do, I can be working at all hours. Coordinating times to get together was rough, but we managed to keep each other laughing and turned-on while we were apart.

In the end, we only saw each other a total of 6 times, but they were all fantastic. If it hadn’t been for our jobs, we might have had a nice summer fling.

There have been others, of course. Some were frighteningly quick to obsess. They had to be sent off in the worst way, for which I feel truly terrible, but these guys refused to take what I was saying seriously. I wouldn’t call them stalkers, but they definitely showed the tendencies.

I’ve been very focused upon work these days. Things have been busy. My job has always been a bit larger than life. The two years leading up to the split, work was crazy.

Oh the stories …. but that’s for another time.

To be continued ….

I really never expected to be married, then I was. It lasted a few years. We had a lot of fun together, then it wasn’t very happy anymore. He retreated to his corner, I to mine.

A few short weeks later a mutual friend bought a house and was worried about finding a tenant for the apartment he had to rent. Someone let him know I was looking and he shot me a text. I took it, sight unseen, and moved in 3 weeks later.

One day last year on a Sunday morning, standing in the kitchen, he blurted out that he wanted a divorce. Shocked? Sure. Only because I thought he’d never say it. I knew it would come eventually, but I thought I would be the one that would have to vocalize the words.

I miss my babies – not human babies – because we really don’t have a lot of those anymore in this day and age; but the furry kind. We agreed they would stay with him only because the only thing that was changing about my life was everything, and taking them would be a difficult transition. If they remained there, the only thing that would be different for them would be my absence.

I’m getting used to the silence.

I found it was more difficult to tell our friends and family about the separation than I thought it would be. My parents were upset. Honestly, I think my Mother loves him far more than she has ever loved me. Once we were married she started calling and emailing on a regular basis. Until then I was lucky if I received a call on my birthday, well actually, about a week after my birthday. Someone would remind her and then she’d call.

But, I got through it and here I am. Exactly where I was when I first moved here 25 years ago. Wondering if I’ll ever actually find someone in this ridiculous city with whom I can share this extraordinary life I have come to live.

Stay tuned, I’ll tell you a little bit about it.

All names will be changed to protect the guilty, not so guilty and guilty by association.